Total Recall

OK, this time it’s not about lead or cadmium content, it's about… wait for it… a perfectly rounded plastic ignition key (see the purple nub?) and it's outrageous potential for danger. I have to say, this massive Fisher Price recall kinda makes me laugh… and I do realize that’s a tad inappropriate. I can’t help but regret that I didn’t come up with the brilliant idea of letting my daughter ride her Dora bike at 100 KM unattended! I’ll just have to get brainstorming for an even more creative lawsuit... CA-CHING!

Now, I do understand the ‘small parts’ concerns, although how many of us have actually banished all items smaller than baseballs from arms reach for fear of choking the chitlens? The grapes from the crisper? Felt circles on dining room chairs? Buttons on OUR clothes?? Signed, Safety Goose (might have to pass the crown soon)

The Value of Prunes

Motherhood is a neurotic time, and I'm not one to miss out on opportunities for self-inflicted torture. But really, it's our job to keep babies alive (No pressure!) and as a result, us parents spend gross amounts of time imagining their demise. Or at least I do. These days, the seasonal nightmare that loops in my subconscious involves drowning. #1 cause of accidental death for kids, after all. Knowing this you'd think I'd have my daughter in swimming lessons but they've never been convenient for us, she's never begged for them, and frankly, I don't want to have to wax my bikini line that often. Have I mentioned that I'm a bad mother? Good news is I've discovered a single wax approach that's way more fun than the bi-weekly gridlock to the petri dish! It's called...wait for it... The Family Vacation! With limitless access to a hotel pool, we racked up a good 24 hours of consecutive swimming time (breaking only for snacks and naps) while our daughter went from a terrifyingly weak dog paddler to swimming laps with the breast stroke and scavenging pool toys 7.5 feet under just for kicks. As long as she loses the high-pitched dog whistle that squeaks from her nose (chlorine anyone?), I think we've come out ahead and have one more great reason to take family vacations.

More Hazards of Being a Girly Girl

They don't call me Safety Goose for no reason. Big thanks to Kiki for informing me of more girly hazards and appealing to my Sky Is Falling sensibilities (but it really IS!). If you've ever bought or received children's jewelry, you may want to consider running into that kid's classroom right now and ripping the Devil's Bling right off their wrists, throats or god forbid, out of their mouths and taking it to some kind of toxic waste depot. You might want to wear gloves. (Anybody know how we're supposed to dispose of this crap?)

Here's The Siggtuation...

Remember the Bisphenal A scare? How we all tossed our plastic water bottles and sippy cups to virtuously drop silly amounts of cash on safe replacements? OK, do you also know the rest of the story? I keep meeting people who don't. Head's up! If you have a Sigg bottle that was manufactured before August 2008 then you're sucking back the very poison that you were avoiding when you dropped all that coin about a year ago! How can we possibly know when our bottle was manufactured is the next helpless thought that crosses the mind, right? Click for a visual comparison of the old ("BPA free!" but actually not) liner and the new ("BPA free! but now I don't believe you) liner. If you haven't lost all faith in Sigg, they are aiming to redeem themselves with an exchange program. You send your old bottles back and they'll replace them up until October 31st. Shipping is all yours (thumbs down), but when you have a bunch of them lying around it's still worth it. I shipped 4 bottles for $12. A Sigg rep is supposed to be in touch when they receive them but I shipped... well, over 2 weeks ago... Yes, I feel betrayed. I should really try to love another. (Water Geeks... Klean Kanteen... It's not you, it's me.) Dear Sigg, I think I love you. I know I need you. Call me.