Monday, September 28, 2009

Back to School Freakshow

Is anybody else experiencing a particularly cantankerous back-to-schooler this last couple of weeks? It's the beginning of Second Grade and we're witnessing a mixture of terror, anger, helplessness, toddler-envy (brother's 2 and stays home), defiance, meltdowns and Mood Indigo every day. "School sucks the whole six hours!! I'm gonna get the swine flu on PURPOSE! Wraggghhhhhh!! "
He has one of the softest, nicest teachers in the whole school and is still scared. He thinks he's going to get separated from the herd, wind up lost on the way to music class and get his ass kicked for it. Thinks the mean teacher in the next class is going to burst through the connecting door and traumatize them. The other day he admitted he spent the whole morning crying and didn't get his printing done because he couldn't remember whether he was going to be picked up at lunch. Has this kid got an anxiety disorder or what? Whatever the label, I want to wave a wand and disappear it. Instead I'm reading books, calling meetings within the school, giving hubby reflux, losing some hair myself. We're even going to try ditching dairy (noooo........mama and her babies loves cheese!) for three weeks. Maybe he'll be transformed.
It's hard to relate to this freaked out little critter because I was SO excited to go to school. Every year. I was thrilled being part of a group of karmically bound peers and teachers, and as much as some subjects baffled me there was always a sense of being carried along by the collective, gaining confidence through what I did know, what was easy to win at (til it came time to pick teams in PE). Maybe it's harder for little boys...they do say...
Now what? Home schooling ain't an option. You can tell that just by my grammar. O Parenting Gods, Please Guide Us.
Keep it together,


  1. I must say,...all this talk about H1N1 is driving me ...crazy? (thus the title?) So, the first day of school, my son brought home a 5 page information sheet all about H1N1. Unfortunately, he READ IT and the next day? surprise, surprise, he claimed he was sick. "My teacher told us if we didn't feel well, to stay home so we don't get our classmates (or worse yet, the whole school) sick". He milked it for a day until I (re)told him the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" He has been fine until a few minutes ago when I got a call from the school. Now he's telling me his throat is sore. He may have a sore throat, or he may have realized that 'sore throat' is harder to diagnose than say, a kid. He's at home with his Grandma now. I told him he'd have to gargle with oil of oregano to get rid of that sore throat...(another ploy on my part to see if his throat really IS sore...) mean, nasty Mother that I am...but how do I really know for sure?

  2. You don't. But our school, I guess in light of H1N1 precautions (I do agree--can we please just call it the Flu?) is saying that we should keep kids home for THREE days after a fever (i thought it was 24 hrs!), and that they should be home for 5 days with a cold, or at first sign of illness....huh? I never even know if it's just allergies (not that I've given him meds to find out) or he's getting a cold. This could mean some rather silly absences...

  3. And will ANYONE actually do that? Keep them home for THREE days after a fever??

  4. Poor Payton missed the first 3 days of school because of a fever and "flu-like symptoms" She was fever-free for 24 hrs and even though she still had a cough I sent her to school on the Friday because A)She was miserable about missing school and her friends and B)She was driving me CRAZY!!! So I guess that means I can kiss my "Mother of the Year" award goodbye?!

  5. In my mind, anyone who walks away with one of those "Mother of the Year" awards is suspect. (What do they even look like? Has anyone ever seen one??)

  6. I've always suspected that the recipient of Mother of the Year had domestic help tucked away somewhere.

  7. Oh Saff, I was a terrified little kid. I'm afraid I can relate. And unfortunately, it WAS anxiety disorder. I hid it pretty well for years (I don't think my parents knew the extent of it), but that meant spending nearly every day with a stomachache. Feel free to question me. xo


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