Monday, January 25, 2010

The Not So Secret Love Life Of A Seven Year Old

There is some serious romance taking place in my daughter's life and... I'm invited. Her suitor has "loved her since Kindergarten", keeps momentos of her on his bedroom wall and was agonized with anxiety while awaiting her RSVP to his 8th birthday. They haven't kissed yet (phew!), but her best friend has kissed him (what the?). She nonchalantly details all of this at the dinner table while I try my best to appear unrattled, consciously keeping a steady chewing tempo. Her Dad, on the other hand, can't muster a poker face and has to leave. You see, it's a goal of mine to keep the taboo topics comfortable so that she'll remember me as a resource when the sh#t really hits the fan in high school. So, straining for casual, I listen on while grinding a steak knife into my faux Kolbassa sausage. (Don't dig too deep for symbolism here.) Rumour has it, suitor-boy has big plans for her and with the consult of a male relative is "Shopping For A Special Gift". It's no secret that my girl and this boy are discussing the prospect of marriage and as part of their vision for the future they plan on keeping one of their (male) friends around as their maid (!?). My God! Will we find out more on next week's episode of "Cribs"??

Friday, January 15, 2010

On Turning 3


Oh dear!  Please help me name this phase.  All of a sudden he's more articulate...more perfectionistic...more rude...and in the week or so before and after his 3rd birthday, The Duck has, in chronological order:

--taken his grandmother's passport from her purse and stowed it in a remote cupboard (the morning of her flight home)
--pooped his undies (fully) for the first time ever
--emptied half a family size box of cereal on his bedroom rug
--drawn an extensive mural on our living room walls
--sent my cell phone to the "Doom Dimension" (wherever his favorite hiding spot of the moment is)
--screamed about the shape of his waffles
--eaten a contraband lollipop while hiding under his bed at bedtime
--told me all the food I give him is Dumb
--ground playdough into the playroom carpet
--called me Butt Face
--told me my face looks like a Butt

So I bet you're wondering what I was doing while all these things happened?  Well, the usual.   Laundry,  talking to my sister on the phone, working on my computer, preparing somewhat balanced snacks or meals, crying about Haiti, cleaning, handling Mr The King, chasing The Duck himself to retrieve the stolen goods while threatening a MAJOR time out (imagine his mocking chipmunk voice: "Ha!  Time outs have no power over me anymore, cardio-challenged Mama!").  A few of the above events occurred while Nanny L was around too, I'll have you know.

 Up until now, The Duck has been the Easy Child, as opposed to his big brother.  I swear this kid needs six times the supervision he did a few weeks ago!  His twos were not terrible....but what do we call this already rocky year?  Threatening Threes?  Thrilling Threes?  There'll be a prize for anyone who can nail it!

Signed,
Knee Deep

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Happy New (Phew) Year!!!

Anybody else feel like they need a vacation after their vacation? I'm not talking jet lag (cause parents don't need to travel to feel that way), I'm talking ALL KIDS ALL THE TIME! I even caught myself doing the 'all done' sign unconsciously the other day, and it's been about 6 years since we've used sign language in this house. Apparently, I'm regressing. Honestly, there have been some lovely Norman Rockwell moments over the course of this holiday season,... but mama never looked forward to packing that lunch bag more than she does tonight! Happy PHEW Year Everyone!!!

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