Mr The King, budding 7 year old artist, once again proclaimed that all the 'udder' kids just had plain Santas and that Santapus has a lot of special features. For example, that green thing behind him is a reindeer (and the things sticking out are reindeer feet of course) that he's sleeping on. Whatever the case, Santapus has been hanging out on the mantle above the fireplace with War Turkey. It being the dead of winter, there is a decent chance that both War Turkey and Santapus will be blown down by the fireplace fan to lay helpless in the warm dust beside it or overheat, actually facing paper decoration heaven in a fiery flurry (along with the rest of our house. Hmm, maybe I should move them).
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
War Turkey: The Sequel
Mr The King, budding 7 year old artist, once again proclaimed that all the 'udder' kids just had plain Santas and that Santapus has a lot of special features. For example, that green thing behind him is a reindeer (and the things sticking out are reindeer feet of course) that he's sleeping on. Whatever the case, Santapus has been hanging out on the mantle above the fireplace with War Turkey. It being the dead of winter, there is a decent chance that both War Turkey and Santapus will be blown down by the fireplace fan to lay helpless in the warm dust beside it or overheat, actually facing paper decoration heaven in a fiery flurry (along with the rest of our house. Hmm, maybe I should move them).
Saturday, November 21, 2009
On Your Marks...Get Set...
Monday, October 26, 2009
Potty Talk, Part 2
Note about this journey, whether your child is male or female: Potty Training will make you late for your other kid's soccer game, burn the cookies, delay bedtime, and make siblings rather bitter as you sit on the bath mat by the throne reading storybooks, telling knock-knock jokes...and occasionally pseudo-napping with your head on the side of the tub until you hear the sound of victory. Or smell it. Good lord.
One mama I know sat her boy on the potty every 20 minutes for a few days and was apparently pretty much done after that. Sweet! MrTheKing started gradually when he was almost 3, after being subjected to weeks of the "I'm Going to the Potty, Potty" song during a video which shall remain nameless. We saw little interest/compliance, and so plied him with M&M's: 1 for a #1 and 2 for a #2... a few weeks of chocolate and food colouring. We had to move the jar to a high shelf since he felt some poops were worth about 17 of them. Thankfully, he forgot the candy as he got better at responding to the signals from within. 'Til that happened, we had him try every 2 hrs plus whenever we left the house, and used pull-ups when we went out until he was 3.5 yrs old. I do remember him perusing videos at the library when he was about 3.75 and peeing straight down his leg onto the stepstool while whimpering in disappointment. The librarian must have had kids because she brought me paper towels and a smile and he still got to take out a Bob the Builder DVD. The Duck (aged 2.75) is way more interested in the independence part of the potty game than MrTheKing ever was. Earlier start (shout out to Nanny L), plenty of accidents, but proud as can be and pull ups are on for anywhere but home or the playground.
I can't resist showing you this family's method of coercion--which involved either hiring Elmo or just his outfit--to acknowledge how desperate some overcaffeinated, sleep-deprived parents get when they just can't get the potty party started...may none of us need to go there...
Okay, J, here's a short list of tips that I can think of:
1. Good to own both the little potty and the Dora Seat (or whatever yours is that sits atop the toilet)
2. Make sure Jr has a step stool so he can try a stand-up pee for variety
3. For sit down pees, make sure the penis is pointed downward between the legs!
4. Boys love to take it outside for practice--and are not so self conscious about shrinkage
5. For practice with aim, there's another great use for your stale cheerios
6. OMG...I can't think of anything else!
Again, you vets out there, Please leave your comments for her!
Good luck and Godspeed, Mama J. 2 boyz in dipes n we R feeling U.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Here's The Siggtuation...
Sunday, October 11, 2009
War Turkey
As you can see, War Turkey is another construction paper piece. MrTheKing triumphantly informs us that everyone else in the class just made regular turkeys and that his is holding a sword (carving knife?) and it has a penis holding a Penis Sword! That's the thing hanging between its legs. Apparently no-one else added those things on the hips (holsters?) nor the extra beak on the belly to their boring turkeys, either. I make encouraging noises, but don't know how far to take 'delighted' and 'proud'...though I'm impressed with his, uh, exploration of the theme...Nanny L stands by, chewing her lip, as The Duck celebrates brother's masterpiece by running in circles yelling "Penis Sword! Penis Sword! Penis Sword!"
How could we not have a (at least partial) turkey dinner after our eldest son gives us War Turkey? Later, as he's standing on the step stool stirring his other gift (homemade cranberry sauce), I am Giving Thanks. MrTheKing points out, sagely, that it's coming along nicely and that the cranberries just "need to be absolved."
Happy Thanksgiving!
Friday, October 9, 2009
File Under: Should We Have Just One More, Maybe?
A little trend I'm noticing....seems that anyone who has more than, say, 4 kids qualifies for their own Reality Show! I mean, when you see a large family come into a restaurant or pile out of a van/bus, don't you just hear a soundtrack with rootsy acoustic guitar, a mom and pop voiceover detailing their crazy schedule and the gratitude they feel for this full, famous life? And a camera crew leaving Starbucks cups all over their house. Do people everywhere they go say (Gomer Pyle voice) "huh-hoo! You kids should have your own tv show! Just like them Duggars!"
I've heard people accuse moms of avoiding birth control just so they can collect more welfare, but honey you can shoot a lot higher than that in the age of Cable.....there's not only a wicked paycheck if someone decides to tell/sell your Family's Story, but a great chance of your kids getting a hot Hollywood agent. And more hands on the farm, I guess. Though only a family with a TLC contract can afford to hold on to a farm in this economy, I'm thinking. Well, them and the very competitive breeder/adopter Jolie/Pitt types...In the other corner, Octomom has taken a step back and realized it may have all been a mistake. Notice I haven't even uttered the word Gosselin?
It's just weird. It's now Stranger than Fiction to want, have, and afford a big family. And maybe even weirder that I seem to know all their names...
Mia Farrow could have raked if she'd just adopted her brood 20 years later...sigh. We've stopped at two. Keeping a low profile.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
My Kid's Fix
I'm completely alone in our big, empty house and... I'm not celebrating. What the?! Why? Because my daughter is with The Most Important Person In Her Life: Not me. Her cousin. Also known as MrTheKing. At 7 years old, is it possible for her to have an addiction? Here's a slice:
Me: “Let's have a girl's night! You pick the movie!”
Dissing Daughter: “I want MrTheKing.”
Me: “Or how 'bout we put streamers on our bikes, ride through puddles and go get ice cream!”
Dissing Daughter: “And then play with MrTheKing?”
Me: “I’ll give you my money, my car keys and have the entire school over for a sleep over!?”
Dissing Daughter: “Can MrTheKing come?”
She returns from her play dates like she's been on an all night bender. Pasty skin, dark circles, Medusa hair and the attitude to match it. I'm having some pretty freaky premonitions about the future and would really appreciate if someone could pinch me and tell me it's all a dream!
I remember when I was her drug.... Is it too late to pick up breast-feeding again?